so this is September

Today was the first day of school. I spent the entire time wandering around in a confused daze while my thoughts flitted between:

Oh my God, why did I wear this?
WHY on earth did I decide to take all these difficult classes?
Everyone looks so pretty and smart and talented!
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no.
Is that my classroom? Where's my classroom?!
Oh good, my locker won't open. I'm so glad.
I really should've worn something else...

Every year, I start school thinking the exact same thing: This is it. This year, everything will be different. I'll make tons of great friends, all my classes will be amazing, nothing will be the same. Everyone reinvents themselves over the summer--I know I do--but sometimes not as much as you'd like. And having to deal with that, the fact that there will always be unpleasant people in the world, and there will always be people who are smarter and better looking and more talented than me... It's an adjustment.

I don't know. I don't know if this will be good or bad or just plain confusing. I don't know if I'll meet nice people or hate all my classes or feel overwhelmed or have a lovely time of it. I don't know yet.

And that is terrifying.